Arlette

Reason #89 I should've dumped my first boyfriend sooner

◊ After he saw Fight Club, my first boyfriend and some of his friends were inspired. They set up an informal Fight Club of their own and beat the crap out of each other after hours at a café where one of them worked.

This is stupid for several reasons:

1. They were beating each other up because of a movie. Not a reason; a movie. This is like beating the shit out of each other because of The Simpsons. "Oooh, that 20th Century Fox cult favorite makes me wanna fight!" I bet that right now he involuntarily balls his hands up into fists whenever he sees a trailer for I <Heart> Huckabees.
2. He didn't tell me about it for weeks. Tip: It's a movie. Lots of people saw it. It's not a secret.
3. They may have been fighting, but they were still little suburban pussies.
4. This was the best kind of defiance he could come up with. He was straightedge without the punk rock, meaning he was too uptight to drink beer and instead of punk he listened to electro crapola like Covenant, which I hated so much you would call it irrational right up until you heard lyrics like "Dead stars still burn" and then you'd be talking shit and glaring at the car stereo, too.
5. I think he thought it made him tough. You want tough? Eat glass. Pick a fight with someone willing to mash your face into the pavement. Don't go punching your skinny goth friends and making it seem like you're bringing down the system from inside.

In all fairness, he was the one who got me into Quentin Tarantino movies, but his taste for that and awesome horror and gore flicks was outpaced only by his love of bad sci-fi. Not comically bad, mind you; just bad. I'm just glad that his flair for movie mimicry didn't go so far as Pulp Fiction, causing him to grow a greasy ponytail.

Oh, wait. He already had one.