Use soap
◊ I was just trying to buy soap.
Well, "body wash," like the marketers want it called. That way they can justify your buying separate soaps for your face, hands, body and feet, not to mention exfoliating soap and moisturizing soap and antibacterial soap for those special skin needs days.
Anyway. Body wash.
There were more scents of body wash than I knew what to do with. There were ranks and ranks of brightly-colored clear and glittery gels, all claiming to leave your skin as sweet-smelling and antiseptic as a little schoolgirl's twat.
Every one was inaccurately named. I stared down a bottle of "Clean Mountain"-scented body wash filled with dyed-green soap. It had a picture of a mountain and clouds on it.
I was skeptical.
I have been to clean mountains.
They smell like pine and rivers and rotting vegetable matter and occasionally like animal shit.
I sincerely doubted the soap would smell like that.