Body HR
◊ Hello, Arlette's immune system! So, let's see about this whole "job" thing we were talking about earlier. You being an immune system and all, it's generally accepted that your job is to protect the body from infection by bacteria and viruses. You're an immune system, your father was an an immune system, and your grandmother put on overalls and worked as an immune system while your grandfather was off fighting in the war.
So is there a reason that, instead of working, you're lying on the couch watching Canadian serial dramas for teens like Degrassi: The Next Generation so much that you're starting to pronounce "sorry" like "sore-ree"?
Hmmm?
Ah, I see. Cigarettes. Well, I differ with you on that one. Arlette doesn't smoke nearly enough to really affect you. We're talking, what, three or four a week, with the occasional drunken half-pack indulgence? She barely drinks now, bikes most places and rarely eats red meat. That's hardly an excuse.
Ah, yes, I see you've been busy with various colds and such, but four colds in the space of three months? You're really slipping. Arlette didn't hire you so she could constantly be coughing up chewy wads of green phlegm.
Well, I must say we're all disappointed in your performance recently, but we're willing to give you another chance. Arlette has agreed to cut down on the smoking, as little as she does in the first place, and she'll go easier on the dairy products. She'll go to Whole Foods for some overpriced L-lysine supplements and multivitamins and she promises to drink more water.
The rest of it is up to you. If you can't get back up to your previous performance level, though, I must warn you: we've been considering replacing you with nanobots injected into the bloodstream. Mechanization would be a good opportunity for us to cut costs around here, and Arlette really likes the idea of being part-cyborg. If you'll permit me to speak frankly: get your ass in gear before she starts knitting herself a sweater that says "Mecha-Arlette" across the front.