Spamity spam
◊ "How is your male member?"
Fine, thank you. He's at work.
"I love you alot"
I don't care. I'm leaving you. Yes, there is someone else. He's strong and kind and wants a family and he has better grammar than you ever did!
"Refinance without perfect Credit cork"
Actually, I already have a perfect credit cork. Christmas present from my parents.
"Fire your boss, with eBay."
But the last e-mail like this said I should be my own boss with eBay. And last time I tried, I couldn't manage to excise my own personality from my brain using a cordless drill and a bent paper clip. Right, I'll just pop outside and shoot myself in the head. Thanks!
"Have you tried this?"
Yes. The scars are fading nicely.
"Want to refinance?"
Oh god, yes. Finance me. Finance me hard. God, I haven't been financed like this in months.
"crhis said he is psised at you"
That's because I psised in his coffee this morning.
"Re YWAE,Marriage a little on the rock"
Can I see some ID? Right, marriage, low on the ice. That'll be $4.50.
"Passion of the Cross Nail Pendant - Licensed Merchandise"
Who are you people and why do you have my e-mail address? Or are you selling these things as comic presents for atheists? "Oooh, wow, does it come with the sword that they stuck through Jesus's side? Excellent!"
"regarding your email ..."
Yes, I wired a bomb to your e-mail's ignition. Gotcha!
"We have been helping MEN worldwide with..."
Let me guess: with sensitivity training and communication workshops?
"big c0ck gay secks"
Heh. Secksual harrassment.
"There's no place like home"
Yes there is, in the exact reproduction of your home that we have made on our planet to house you. You have been selected for our human-breeding program. The meat shortages will be a thing of the past! We will hunger no more! Make babies! Breed! Breed!
"Satisfy your.self and her"
... with this high-quality double dong! Yes, no orifice will be safe once you've strapped this baby on! It's made of the highest-quality silicone and is sure to be a pleaser at your next dinner party or night out at trendy downtown hot spots!
"Protect your kids against Street Drugs"
Feed them the ones your doctor prescribes, instead! It's your duty as a patriotic citizen. We wouldn't want to end artificial inflation of the price of legal drugs or actually discipline the little fuckers, would we? Of course not!
"covered in cum"
Semen spa: like a mud bath that can get you pregnant.
"Christian Singles Romance"
Is this for, like, a Christians-seeking-Christians do-not-call list? Sign me the fuck up, please.
"Are you satisfied with the smallness of your c0ck?"
No. The doctors say that if it doesn't disappear soon, they'll have to surgically remove it. It's embarrassing. When kids ask me why I have this thing growing out of my forehead, I tell them I'm half unicorn.