Going postal
◊ I think one of my parents' pet birds is actually a housecat.
I have come to this conclusion after extensive research and testing. Most of this meticulous work involved sitting around trying to read, type, or eat while the bird risked severe bodily harm in order to climb off my shoulder and down the front of my shirt and onto the table in order to sit on my newspaper, steal my food and run across the keyboard.
She has an all-consuming obsession with standing on the space bar while chewing on the number keys and attacking my fingers. I guess there's something about my keyboarding manner that just reeks of avicide.
I think she's a housecat because only housecats are this obnoxious.
I found some old postcards for 35 cents each at an antiques fair today. One is postmarked December 29, 1942 and was sent from Fort MacArthur in California by Pvt. Lowell B. Weeks to his mother in Los Angeles. It has "BUY WAR SAVING BONDS and STAMPS" in the corner as a cancellation mark. It reads:
Dear Mom — I'm in the Union Station in L.A. We are on our way to Camp Howzie Texas. 565 of us. What a mob. Feel OK. Will write more on the train. Take care of your self. Love Lowell.
My favorite was this one, a typewritten oddball sent on August 21, 1970 to the Long Beach Fire Department. It has "VIA KFOX" typed in the top left corner. The card is filled from top to bottom and the text is jammed up against the tiny left margin and falls right off the other side of the postcard. I'm leaving the punctuation and original spellings intact.
Jesus did not come to this world to bring peace. Luke 12:51-56 Matt.10:34-38 let every man have his own wife to avoid fornication. 1 Cor.7:2 they shall be one fles Gen.2:24 he that is joined to a harlot is one body for two saith the Lord shall be one flesh.1 Cor.6:16 MASTERBATION IS A SIN. Whosoever shall look on a woman to lust after hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. Pluck out thy right eye or cut off thy right hand for it is better that one of thy member should perish and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. Matt.5:28 HOMOSEXUALITY AND LESBIANISM IS A SIN. Rom.1:22-27 Prov.18:21-22 by means of a whorish woman a man will lose his life in hell. Prov. 6:26 if the land fall to whoredom it is full of wicked ness.Prov.19:29 to uncover thy nakedness and that of t thy kin it is a sin. Prov.18:23 CLOSE THE WHORE HOUSES. CLOSE UP THE GO-GO'S WHERE A MAN CAN GET ANY TYPE OF PROSTITUTE HE DESIRES VIA THE BARTENDER.
Any type of prostitute? Man, have I been going to the wrong bars.
I gotta wonder about people like that. Thirty years ago this guy was at his typewriter, thumbing through his Bible and fighting the good fight with only loopy inspiration and some 5-cent postcards. Yeah, he was probably fucked in the head, but I gotta admire that kind of dedication.
Just as long as I don't have to deal with that nutjob in person. Yikes.