Arlette

How to do dishes

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1. Stare at the dishes. Walk away from them and hope they go away. Do this for anywhere up to a week.
2. When the dishes start to stink (all the time, not just when you're leaning over the sink), resign yourself to fact that you're gonna have to clean them.
3. Locate the worst offenders. Pour bleach into them, then water. Always pour the bleach first to neutralize the smell. This stench is the dishes' main defense. Do not be upset with the dishes; remember that you are provoking them, and they are only defending themselves.
4. Wash. And wash. And wash. For variety, curse yourself for being a lazy slob and for letting the dishes and recycling and empty beer bottles and toast crumbs pile up.
5. Discard any sealed food containers with leftovers in them. The containers are never worth rescuing.
6. Repeat in a few weeks or when you run out of jelly jars to mix your alcoholic drinks in.

I wish I had a cat so I could take pictures of it all the time and then tell people "I'm always taking pictures of my pussy, wanna see?"