Rhymes with "vomit"
◊ I hate puking. Hate it, hate it, hate it. This is why I haven't done it since I was 12 when I ate a bad burrito even though I knew it was going to make me sick. My mom told me to "finish my plate" and I had no choice but to down that terrible, sinister, horrifyingly fiendish Burrito of Satan.
Oh yes. I knew I would be sick, and I was right. I drank as much cold water as I could stand to keep from horking, but to no avail. I puked in the sink in the middle of the night.
Why the sink? Hey, I didn't puke often enough to know I should've gone for the toilet.
This was nowhere near as cool as my favorite puking story. When I was a little kid, I staggered out into the kitchen, saying "I don't feel good." My mom, knowing me to be a malingerer of the highest order, felt my forehead and said "You don't have a fever. You're going to school."
"OK," I said, and threw up all over the kitchen floor.
That'll show her.
I think my mom gets some kind of sadistic glee out of my puking. How else can I explain all these strange coincidences? Mom tells me to do something, I puke. Hmmmm.
Fortunately, while battling the flu for the past couple of days, I've found out a magic medicine that settles my stomach and makes me feel like I no longer want to die: Two shots of Jack Daniel's, one right after the other.
See? Another reason that alcohol is good for you.