Porn! Insomnia! Whee!
◊ I am halfheartedly watching porn, but it's too-sleazy amateur stuff and I don't like it. Bleach-blonde chicks with bad butterfly tattoos being fucked by sleazy guys with bad tribal armband tattoos. Yuck.
Also some really pathetic dirty talk. "Oh god, yeah, fuck my cunt with your huge cock." Boring. Unconvincing. I give it a D for creativity. But it gets an A for accuracy, as that chick is certainly being stuffed with a considerable amount of man-meat.
It's a pity that dick size seems to be the only thing that matters when you're casting guys for straight porn. I have seen some seriously tragic haircuts, physiques, body hair, and, uh, "bedside manner." God, some of these guys are gross.
And jamming her head down hard when she's giving a blowjob? Fucking rude. If you do that, I hope that next time you push too hard and trip her gag reflex and she barfs all over your cock. It would serve you right.
Anyway, back on topic. Not all of the porn guys are icky or sleazy. There are a couple that seem downright sweet. My favorite was one guy who came all over some girl's face and got some in her eye. He reached out and very gently wiped his hot jizz off her eyelid with his thumb.
Awww.
I probably shouldn't bitch too much about this particular porn, as this is the third time I've watched it tonight.
Wow. That chick is giving some seriously bad head. No style, no rhythm. She's not paying any attention to how the guy's reacting; she's just mechanically slurping away. He looks bored.
Aha! She went for the testicles. Ten points to her.
He still looks bored. I think it's time to try something different.
And that other guy is really crap at cunnilingus.
I think all straight guys (and all women in general) should undergo cunnilingus training. Men can learn to do it right, and women can learn that it is FUN.
There should be blowjob school, too.
The world will be a very different place when I take over.