The smell of retail in the morning
◊ I keep on saying that when I run the world, things will be different.
Case in point: mandatory enlistment for all citizens when they turn 18.
Not in the military, mind you. No, what will teach our young people discipline, respect, and honor in the face of adversity is a two-year stint working retail.
In boot camp, your instructors try to forge you into a stronger, better, more capable person. They'll humiliate you and make you suffer, but the challenges they're throwing your way are supposed to improve you. Mandatory enlistment is proposed with the idea that it will turn kids into responsible adults and instill in them a sense of loyalty to their country.
In retail or any other service job that requires dealing with the public, everyone's doing everything they can to utterly crush your soul.
If you've logged time behind the counter, you know what I mean. Once you put on that polo or pin that name tag on your shirt, you are no longer human. The dumbest, rudest asshole on earth now thinks he's got a right to treat you like shit. He can be snide to you, treat you like a moron, verbally abuse you -- it doesn't matter. You have to keep your mouth shut because life ain't like Clerks and you can't get away with mouthing off to these bastards because nobody will hire you without any job experience. You have to keep the job, shitty as it is, until you can leave for something better.
You will be subjected to mindless labor. You will restock. You will mop. You will unpack boxes and field retarded phone calls. When inventory rolls around, you will count things until numbers become meaningless to you. You will be forced to work on days you need off and you will learn to suck it up because nobody has any reason to be nice to you.
Your customers will stink. Children will puke in the back of your store. Come Christmas, you will learn that hell is Jackson 5 Christmas carols. You will marvel at the idiotic questions people will ask you. You will be trapped behind the counter as people hit on you, scream at you and try to wheedle discounts out of you. They will follow you around for half an hour or more as they talk at you because nobody else will listen.
They will argue about everything, from the prices of items or services to the store's business hours to the intricacies of return policies. They will never believe that company policy applies to them and they will always, always, always demand to speak to your manager.
The abuse won't be limited to your own workplace if you work in a mall. When you're on break trying to shop and you're wearing something vaguely uniform-like, people who aren't even your customers will be rude to you. They will yell at you because they can't find things and they will not apologize for being too dumb to realize that your polo and khakis look nothing like the t-shirts, aprons and name tags of the employees of the store you're in.
It's hell, but once you come out the other side you will be a better person. You'll tip better, most likely, and not flip out if the cashier doesn't see you right away or has to answer the phone while ringing you up. You won't bitch as much when a new hire struggles with the register and you will actually read return policies.
You'll know there's a human being behind that name tag, not a machine engineered to serve only you for as long as you're in the store.
You'll have a little respect for the people getting paid too little to do all the shit jobs that you can't live without.