Demotivation
◊ There are many reasons you might want to have your soul removed. Being soulless saves time and money, makes popular entertainment more fulfilling, and lets you sleep better at night. Don't spend any more days wandering restlessly around the house trying to figure out why you can't get rid of that nagging feeling of discontent! In just a few simple, easy steps, you can lose that soul and keep it off! After two months, you won't even remember what "ennui" means!
- Here's how:
Shop for groceries at a place that doesn't smell like food.
Watch Who's the Boss, Full House or any long-running syndicated sitcom until the irony gives way to despair and hopelessness.
Eat only food that comes out of plastic packages or cans and requires little or no preparation.
Have a job that has you dealing with the public all day, and work for someone you'd just as soon punch in the mouth as look at.
Watch a bad film at a movie theater.
Watch a good movie on TV after it's had its balls chopped off and its humor gouged out by network censors. Don't cringe every time profanity is replaced with an inoffensive, poorly lip-synced word.
Try to make everybody around you happy all the time.
Force your voice to a higher pitch and voice every statement like it sounds like a question? Whine and sound, y'know, really insecure? Every time you voice your opinion, add "But that's just what I think" to the end or your argument, or something?
That's just a start! After a few weeks, you'll be able to think up ways yourself, but you won't even mention them because you won't want to brag about yourself.