Arlette's banners rock
◊ Diaryland is a strange and fickle audience.
I love making banners for my diary, but I'm not very good at them. I slave away at something I think it clever and funny and visually appealing, and submit it, and ... bleargh. I am not Squirrel X, and it shows.
The banners I have made tend to fall into two performance categories: "not crap" and "crap." "Not crap" is defined as anything with a click-through rate of at least 4 percent, meaning at least four percent of the people who see the banner click on it and go to my diary.
"Crap" is everything else.
Not crap
Rabbit crush - 4.6%
Weirdness sells.
To Serve Man - 4.6%
Well, if weirdness sells, you can't go wrong with The Twilight Zone. It's an in-joke for Dan, since "To Serve Man" is one of his favorite episodes.
Junk food for thought - 3.9%
This one almost got 4%. Close enough. It was running at 4.7% for a while, but I guess everyone got tired of it.
Crap
Cranium - 2.8%
OK, so weirdness only sometimes sells.
Drunken Scrabble - 2.4%
Ah, insomnia. Ah, digital camera. You were meant for each other.
Monkey fun - 2.2%
OK, let me explain it: It's a monkey. From the Barrel of Monkeys game. And the banner says "way more fun," meaning my diary is way more fun than a barrel of monkeys. It's fucking genius.
Hella NorCal - 2%
I guess 2 percent of the Diaryland population is from Northern California, 'cause that's where "hella" comes from. A lark. I found it fantastically funny.
Mmmm, baby. - 2%
... but not as fantastically funny as eating babies.
Arlette fox socks box cocks ROCKS - 0.9%
Ha ha, "cocks." An absysmal click-through rate of 0.9 percent. That's fucking awful, seeing as most people's crap banners usually get about 2 percent. This means that not only did people not click on it, they avoided clicking on it. On the flip side, the 0.9 percent who clicked on it are probably exactly the kind of people I want reading my diary.